60 Of Our Favourite Christmas Cracker Jokes
- What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
-
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days! -
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it! -
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks! -
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep-pan, crisp and even! -
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful! -
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
Twerky! -
What says 'Oh-Oh-Oh'
Santa walking backwards! -
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells! -
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper! -
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in the hospital?
Because he has private elf care! -
Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?
He suffered from low elf esteem. -
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks! -
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
A stick -
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas Eve!” -
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes -
What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone -
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet! -
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer -
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with -
Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa Paws! -
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side! -
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! -
What is the most competitive season?
Win-ter! -
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them! -
How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter Y! -
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy! -
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker! -
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite! -
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers! -
What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack -
Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles -
How do snowmen get around?
By riding an 'icicle -
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer -
How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
You've got three extra hoes -
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It's too far to walk -
Who is Santa's favourite singer?
Elfis Presley -
How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas?
25 - there's no-el -
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator -
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrots? -
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
The outside -
What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow -
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws -
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
I don't like sprouts -
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap -
What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees?
Hornaments -
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney?
He felt Claus-trophobic -
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
He keeps a logbook -
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe -
Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all-day -
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time?
One day my prints will come -
What's a dog's favourite Christmas carol?
Bark the herald angels sing -
Why was the snowman rummaging through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose -
What kind of car do elves like to drive?
A toy-ota -
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door! -
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
Saint Nickel-less! -
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause! -
What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? Platforms!
-
Who is the Music Elf's favourite reindeer?
Dancer! -
What do elves post on Social Media?
Elf-ies!
Check out our selection of alternative Christmas crackers here. These pet friendly crackers 'without the bang' contain a Christmas joke, hat and game. They are available in sets of six. 
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