One of our favourite things, when Christmas comes around every year, is the Christmas cracker jokes. The good, the bad, and the ones that make you cringe are all equally a part of Christmas that never fail to never make us smile. Although you usually hear the same ones every year, no matter how expensive the crackers are, the jokes never get old. This is a post for those of you that enjoy the jokes more than the toys inside the crackers, so raise your glass to 60 of the best Christmas cracker jokes ever!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep-pan, crisp and even!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
What says 'Oh-Oh-Oh'
Santa walking backwards!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in the hospital?
Because he has private elf care!
Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?
He suffered from low elf esteem.
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas Eve!”
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
What do you give a dog for Christmas?
A mobile bone
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Because they were two deer
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with
Who delivers presents to cats?
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
What is the most competitive season?
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them!
How does Christmas Day end?
With the letter Y!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack
Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles
How do snowmen get around?
By riding an 'icicle
What do you call a blind reindeer?
No eye deer
How do you know if Santa's been in your garden shed?
You've got three extra hoes
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It's too far to walk
Who is Santa's favourite singer?
How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas?
25 - there's no-el
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrots?
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?
What do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
I don't like sprouts
What kind of music do elves listen to?
What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees?
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney?
He felt Claus-trophobic
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
He keeps a logbook
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe
Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all-day
What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time?
One day my prints will come
What's a dog's favourite Christmas carol?
Bark the herald angels sing
Why was the snowman rummaging through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose
What kind of car do elves like to drive?
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
Santa going through a revolving door!
What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? Platforms!
Who is the Music Elf's favourite reindeer?
What do elves post on Social Media?
Check out our selection of alternative Christmas crackers here. These pet friendly crackers 'without the bang' contain a Christmas joke, hat and game. They are available in sets of six.
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